The Bigger Peacock

I once went to a store in a place where the population is supposedly predominantly Bisaya. So imagine my horror when the attendant came up to me and asked “Sir, ano po ang hinahanap natin?”

She was speaking in Tagalog. In good grammar, but that’s beside the point.

 Yes, Tagalog. Something that I’ve never really bothered in mastering. Yes, I can think it. And I can very damn well write it. It’s just that I don’t want to hear myself talking and getting flak for sounding too, well, weird.

“I’m sorry I’d rather not speak Tagalog,” I said sheepishly.

It threw her off a little bit, and for a moment got confused as to what language she would have to use.

“Do you speak Bisaya?” I asked

She nodded.

“Good.  Magbinisaya ta.”

Welcome to a Southern City in the Philippines, where speaking a certain kind of Tagalog entails a feeling of self-importance.

Going around the city for some research and having talked to some locals, I would notice one thing; a bevy in the young society do have a knack for speaking that grammatically wrong, heavily accented Tagalog. And if I may add, they consider themselves sosyal.

Meet the kolehiyalas.

“Mahiya man ako magjeep”

“Ano nga yung ginsabi mo?”

“Magpunta tayo karon sa Gmall.”

One doesn’t have to be a grammarian to recognize the obvious. And one just has to open his eyes a little more objectively to see where those words are coming from.

I once talked to a girl who said she normally has to turn her Tagalog on when she’s in the mall. According to her, that’s what posh people do.

I, too, would speak that much dreaded language for any Bisaya tongue if I were a native speaker. But for someone who’s obviously not and talking to a fellow non-native, do we really have to risk sounding trying hard and jologs just to make us feel that we’re better than everyone else?

Speaking broken tagalog does not make us sosyal nor better. Neither does going to Gmall.

So why do we have that need to feel that we’re a cut above the rest?

In one of those long days in my previous job in pharmaceutical sales, some people from other drug companies certainly do have attitude just because they claim they’re from a “better” company.

“Miss, are you from ?”

“Yes, why?” She snootily answered.

“Nah, nevermind.”

Looking back now, she might’ve thought I was trying to hit on her. She might’ve also forgotten what her face looks like.

I was, like, dafuq?

Sometimes the ugliest girls do really have the ugliest attitudes.

There was also a time when I have spoken with a doctor who looks down on flight attendants just because they’re “just dumb flight attendants” and he was “a doctor.”

I was greatly offended for I have known smart people from that industry -smart enough to be doctors themselves. And yet, here’s a doctor whose intelligence in questionable and whose face is, well, indescribable.

Rumor has it that he took the boards 4x and yet he has never eaten his share of humble pie.

For all I know, his unabashed audacity just stems from his frustrations.

How many times have we encountered pricks simply because they’re titled and they’re “so much better than everyone else”?

Reality is, people who think they’re better than everyone else are actually not. Read: there is a reason why some young and unloved female lawyers put on a Gandang-Ganda sa Sarili Facade with overzealous confidence.

One pattern I’ve noticed while working in my previous job, is that pretty doctors tend to be the most gracious, kind and accommodating.  And the ones with the good attitude even if they’re not conventionally pretty become more and more beautiful once you get to know them. On the other hand, kung sino pa nga yung alanganin, yun pa ang nagsusuplada.

Over-compensation for the things we lack in would only makes us look hopeless than we already are.

At times we find ourselves laughing at people who mispronounce words. We think it’s hilarious. We then take pride in being “superior.”  But if we really are better people, instead of laughing, shouldn’t we help and correct that poor little chap who mixes his f’s and p’s?

The recently concluded elections just brought out the holier than thou attitude in us. Uh newsflash, not voting for Nancy Binay don’t make us the chosen ones.  I was the only one in our precinct who voted for Dick Gordon last presidential elections but doesn’t give me the right to call all those who did not vote for him stupid.

Seriously though, we are not better than we think we are.

And it seems like everyone’s so busy in trying to one-up each other, but really, aside from those bragging rights, what does having a flashier peacock brings to the table?

Man Go Float

Surrender.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned the past two years that would be IT. It’s not the maturity of how I am now as a drinker. Not the stroke that would identify me as a painter. Not even the writing style I have developed and somehow lost the past decade.

It’s about finally accepting what is happening now and all the things that have had happened be it good or bad without any form of resistance whatsoever.

It’s not raising that white flag per se, even if it kinda is when if it’s really not. But it’s knowing that I have done everything that I could and the outcome is no longer in my hands.

The past two years have been all about moving and searching for that special place on earth, moving from one city to another, making mistakes one day at a time. Maybe I have learned, maybe I have not.

Realizations were made, friends drifted apart, hearts and dreams were broken, and isolated case of blueballs just remained, well, as it is and nothing more.

Growing old has been nothing but tricky. I remember purposely going to a booze party and yet constantly reminding myself not to get hammered as much as I used to – which I successfully did with flying colors. Having experienced a major blackout months before have made a self-police out of me. Would I say being a smart drinker is fun? No. But it’s something a responsible grown up would do when he’s got an early flight the next day.

You are no longer in college, I tell myself. And we thought life was already a bitch back then.  Well, welcome to the real world, bitch.

And then there’s friends. Do we really have that many people we can consider as such? Do we really? Geography will always take a toll in any relationship. New interests sprout by the minute. People outgrow each other, move on and get on with their lives even if we like it or not.

It’s like when some friends finally face the music and go to AA, it will always be inevitable. Even if occasional relapse does happen, no it ain’t  just the same.

And oh, dreams too can be shattered. If by now, you still haven’t gotten over the fact that you are tone-deaf, color-blind or I dunno, just blind to see the blatant fact that things aren’t going to happen, prepare to have your hearts broken. Not everyone can be rockstars or astronauts or olympians or pornstars.

Not everyone is cut-out for becoming they always wanted to be.

Heck I know, I’ll never go to outer space. Even if my head is.

We just have to accept it and from that adjust the career path from scribbled lines to something less gibberish.

And of course, some hook-ups are bound to shake our world badly.  Despite what you say is an undeniable chemistry, that sexual tension, those long walks on some quaint little town, that French song you sing together, that doesn’t have to mean anything all the time.

In the end you might end up holding tears on the bus.

And just jerk it all off.

Happened in real life. To someone I know. Stop asking questions.

My two years of taking that “gap year”, developing my personal brand, working on that “book”, and trying to become who I am can be summed up by my quest to actually learn how to swim. I know, kill me now.

All my life I just never learned how to. I remember feeling fulfilled when, despite my lack of natural buoyancy, I floated on some beach in Guimaras two years ago. For the entire afternoon, I just floated moving from point A to point B.  It wasn’t swimming but, still...

Flash forward two years later, Samal Island with a trainer in tow. This time, a little more determined. I was taught two things. One is that in times of distress, all I have to do is swim like a dog. I don’t know what that means and yes, I did imagined myself as a dog.

And two, that I must not resist the waves. Relax, take it easy for there is nothing that you can do, that music played in my head. The more I try to resist, the bigger chances I might just get injured or worse, die.

Then it got me thinking, I was being a badass dorky genius who found answers in life again. In two years. Yipee. Joy. Hurrah. Bigyan ng jacket.

Yes, things don’t always go as planned. Life has this habit of throwing us lemons, not giving us enough time to make lemonades, overwhelming enough to bury us.  Change is always unavoidable. Doors closing are normal. Everything is just shit. And all that come in very big shitty waves.

Sometimes, there’s just no use fighting.

After an hour of successfully not doing it, I just did what I knew best; float.

The Future of Superficiality

Superficiality in the past was your friendster primary pic.

That was it. It wasn’t even digitally filtered, edited and heavily Photoshopped. It wasn’t fetching in any way. Unless you’re Ellen Adarna, your picture would have to be bland to say the least.

And you didn’t even give that much fuck.

We didn’t have newsfeeds.  We didn’t have twitter. We didn’t feel the need to air our two cents worth on everything. We didn’t post pictures of our faces with the same facial expressions with different backgrounds.

Life was static.

Superficiality in the future was when I suddenly considered going to the gym to get myself some abs. For a day I actually thought of actually getting ripped on the abdominals. Yes, just on the abdominals coz that’s hardcore.

But come to think of it, if you’re secured enough of your package, then what do you need those abs for?

And so I digress.

And just mentally streaked on everyone instead.

And so I ask myself, what was I thinking?

Why the sudden need to be like everyone else on my newsfeed?

Superficiality in the future was when you let your friend’s going through the evolution process gets in your head. Yes, despite their denials, nosejobs were done. The nose speaks for itself; Everyone now has prettier hair; People still have the same faces but just have different backgrounds. They have an Instagram account just for that.  And everyone hits the gym.

Come to think of it, everyone could be in the brink of evolution while you are still left behind. I could be left behind. We can all shudder now.

Then again, the people that are actually really attractive are the ones that never really tried hard.

I remember having a drink with some foreign model and his girlfriend once. They were having an interfacial relationship as she was rather plain while he had hit the genetics jackpot.

For him, his squeeze is the prettiest girl in the room. I thought he just had way too much Tanduay but he went on to talking about getting pass what’s superficial and looking through what’s inside.

For a split sec I thought he was talking about his girl’s naked body but no, he was the real deal.

The guy was a saint, the epitome of beer goggles, and someone in this age of constant self-promotion should look up to.

We should be ashamed of ourselves now.

I am. So are you?

The future of superciality was when facebook started the newsfeeds and everyone just went along with it, riding its waves coz we all thought it’s cool.

It’s not. It’s actually irritating. Sa tingin mo, ano ang maiaambag ng minu-minutong picture ng mukha mo on Instagram sa mundo?

I am not gonna get abs. I am gonna get some extra rice and then some.  Prolly some extra sleep coz that’s hardcore.

Besides, I’ve already mentally streaked on everyone.