Loser Dogs.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Survivor Gabon is that, aside from the fact that Corrine, Marcus, Charlie and Randy are vile and bitter ugly jury, Corrine is still ugly no matter what. She can put on the thickest makeup and she will still look like hell. And I’m not being superficial.

I won’t even talk about her being-24-and-looking-like-39.

What I would like to point out is that her speech to my Sugar was the most inappropriate thing that could have come out from that mutant of a person. She’s not Ivy League-bred for Chrissakes. Nor does she have natural boobs. And she considers herself educated, please!

This led me to formulate a theory.

Corrine, just like some people I know- people who try to put other people down to make themselves feel better are actually just insecure. And just like Corrine who came in 7th, meaning not 1st (obviously)… then what does that make them? What’s that word again? Uh loser, right? Losers.

thank u (go figure)

Allow me to be gibberish because that’s how things are lately; an incomprehensible syntax error.

I mean, I just don’t get it. Why all these lying, backdooring and sabotaging? Am I that stupid? Do I really look like a moron? I failed MedSurg last year but that doesn’t make me Dumb and Dumber. Heck, they don’t need a Dumberer for God’s sake.

Let me just start by saying I see a rat when I smell one. So that lie, that lame excuse and all, was unnecessary. I would have preferred to have taken the truth straight because aside from the fact that it really didn’t matter, I just don’t like that kind of stuff. That’s just plain pussy. Besides, I didn’t give a flying fuck a about it.

And the sabotage or at least the attempt? I would have raised a finger but that would make the culprit happy. So to all dem haters out there; Thank You! I didn’t know I made such an impact.

This is not a joke. If you find yourself laughing and thinking it couldn’t be you I’m talking about, well THINK AGAIN. I take pride for being such a faker. So allow me to be gibberish because until now, I couldn’t understand why some people had to do it- just like having Ron Howard on Angels and Demons when the The Vinci Code sucked. But that’s another story.

Again, thank you.

Dear Mr. Crusader.

Dear Mr. Crusader

I blog.

That counts as writing, right? So anyway, yeah, blinding flash of the obvious here, I am applying for any vacancies in the school paper. Truth is, I was eyeing the position of a maintenance guy but since you weren’t looking for any, a feature writer would do just fine.

I’m a 3^rd year nursing student who thinks he can write. Yes, I think I can. Don’t burst my bubble. If you think I can’t and you can’t suck that in, you can tell that to my… uh, fans; people who read my writings. There are 2 of them. They’re into pulverizing things, I forgot to tell you.

Did I mention I blog? Right. Well, that’s the only experience I had for the past 4 years. I was an associate editor at our school paper back in high school but I didn’t really know what being an associate editor meant. I just wrote stuffs that our small school cared to publish.

If you’re looking for a reference, I have none. But Tals Diaz and I are friends. On facebook. She’s one of the best writers broadsheet could ever have. Few days ago, she wrote something on my wall, not that mattered, but, yeah, we communicate. Here’s an excerpt of one of her messages: “Hey, actually I think you write pretty well! Do you want to rant about your experience the best way possible- by writing an article fo 2BU? They're looking for new writers to add to their pool. If it's more "Super" than 2BU, I'll try to stick it in Super. I think it's a cool story, and it may just be your first break in the fulfilling yet not quite financially rewarding path of writing. That's how everyone starts anyway, contributing for 2bu!”

I can never be Jehna Paigan, a Gino de la Paz, or a Tals Diaz, but I can be me. I have my own style. I have my own attack when it comes to writing. I’m fun, a little pricky, but fun nonetheless. I think. I am very vulgar as much as I am conservative. Nobody believes that. And I am very opinionated. That, I’d like to believe.

I’m sure I’m going to be a great addition to your bevy of writers. There isn’t just enough representation of stupid people in the publication that it actually starts to feel a little unfair. I mean, where have all the stupid people gone? We’re, like, gazillions. I tell you, it would be great for your image that you hire me. Can you imagine the market you’re going to reach when you get me as one of your wordsmiths? I repeat, we’re gazillions.

So anyway, if you liked the sales pitch, text me. You have my digits. And if it’s going to be a NO, don’t even bother.

I just love to write. Period.

Cheerios,

James

batch 01 should all hate Pebbo

Truth is, I really thought he was going to lead a boring life, maybe do broadsheet or become a surgeon. Boy was I wrong. He’s now opening a store at Robinsons, making waves in Iloilo, and interacting with bigwigs and famous people from the “industry”…And I thought I was already cool just because Tals and I are communicating! sometimes. If there’s one thing I hate about being friends with Paulo, aside from him-making-it-until-the-final-casting-when-I-was-the-die-hard-fan, it’s the feeling that I’m a some kinda loser slacker dude who’s been left behind.

Everyone from SPED actually have great futures ahead of them. I think. And I don’t! Ken S., if you’re reading this, dude, your prediction didn’t come true. Thanks a lot dude. Thanks a lot. I mean, Paulo has got all these options. That was his problem. In my case, the lack thereof is. Where in world is justice? Well Paulo did offer me to become a human hanger of some sort. I’m not sure if he was serious… bet he only said it because we’ve been friends since kindergarten and I’m going through shit. Great, I’m officially now a charity case. And if Maricel and Marsha did commend my sinister, evil look that, according to them, would look good on the "runway". They said it partly because I do look evil (and I like that) and mostly because I’m their friend. That’s all there is to it… That is, if Paulo didn’t make the whole story up. My issue. I’m sure Paulo wouldn’t lie about it, but still, I won’t completely buy it until Maricel and Marsha say it to my face. And besides, that was patronizing.

…And too convenient don't ya think? Hmmm.

He didn’t tell me that he told Neil Gumban he was expecting me to be one of the qualifiers until recently. He implied that I was still emotionally fragile to know about it. Which reminds me, Pau, If you’re reading this, we have to still have to talk about you-dropping-my-name-at-the-auditions. And for the record, I’m no longer bitter. I’m just want to kill Neil Gumban. I’m building an army against him. Anyone? Feel free to join. I’m no longer bitter. Heck, I’m not even whining that I can’t have Leighton Meester for a girlfriend. I’m more of an Emanuelle Chriqui guy. It’s actually Paulo who’s been whining about that. I just hate Neil Gumban that’s all. And Pau, right on, dude. Right on.

End of contract is to end of Tecson

I’m finally done with work. Finally. Finally! Hated it anyway- well, as much as I liked it. And it wasn’t the most fulfilling job in the world. I’m sorry, I know that other people would find it fulfilling and I’m sure there lives a certain kind of strata that would like it. But not me.

Now that it's, I’ve never been happier since… I can’t remember. Basta. I’ve never been happier. I no longer have to deal with the stock clerk’s constant mood swings. And that’s like every minute or two. God I know she’s bitter about life and all but she doesn’t have to take that out on us. Totally dragging.

Or with the fag manager. Just to set things clear; this is not gay bashing. This is just a bash on people who happen to be gays. My manager is the reason why I haven’t been able to spend more time with my grandfather. My grandfather is now dead. Phuket! And I’m still hurting over the fact that he’s gone. Well karma’s a big bad bitch. I’m sure my manager would have to deal with that bitch sooner or later. And if this makes me feel better, I just want to broadcast to the world that my manager is still in the closet and his boyfriend’s name is Jeff. Oops, sorry. That just came out. Everyone knows about it anyway. Damn obvious. And the fag boss from manila. I just didn’t like him. Not even worth my time.

The area sales manager from Cebu, thank god I no longer have to see his philandering face. He had sex with Mae who’s known for having been all over town, has an STD (*citation needed) and who recently had an abortion days before his official visit. As if the whole Giordano staff didn’t know about the sex thing. God bless their immoral souls.

So those were the people I had to deal with. It just makes me miss Ma’am Tecson more. Or maybe not.

It didn't suck.

See? It didn’t suck. Survivor, the CBS version, would never suck. Never. They have all the budget in the world. And they don’t have a Neil Gumban to ruin the show.

So the other night, I had 80 minutes of non-stop TVgasm. God the premier was hellraisingly good. I wouldn’t be blogging about it if it wasn’t. It was just so damn funny. Where’d they get the castaways anyway? The Olympian couldn’t even climb up the hill. The doctor had a dick slip. On High Definition. And a gay lawyer just fell head over heels for him… which is as of this moment, I bet is probably rewinding the wardrobe malfunction scene over and over again.

Gabon has got to be the funniest season ever.

indecent proposal

I got a sex job offer days ago and I didn’t just like it. I hearted it. Seriously, am I really that fine that some old closeted rich fag wanted a taste of my goodies? But how come I’m not on Sur- nevermind. God. I’m that appealing. Wait, again, I’m that appealing. This is such a nice mantra. I could keep on repeating this over and over again.

But seriously, inasmuch as it was a self-esteem booster, it was also gross. I mean, yuck. I am not a gigolo. I am not a man-whore. I don’t sell myself. I am not for sale.

But if there’s one thing that I really liked from the whole experience, it’s the thought of having power over people. If that isn’t great enough, then I don’t know what is. And the best part is when I get to turn them down and leave them feeling like kids who couldn’t have any candies from the candy store. Climax.

So to say that I liked the fact that someone’s willing to pay me for sex…that would be an understatement. I thought it was great, mindblowing and transcendant. God I’m so appealing. LMFAO ;-P

Not that bad.

I've, in a weird little way, uncomfortably befriended the enemy. Worse is, I’ve come to grow a little respect for that guy. Krigi’s not that bad- just a simple case of acting out. Anyhow, he handled his elimination better than I did and that spells respect from me. Heck, it’s been months now and I’m still not over it. Something must be really wrong with me. Besides, we now have a common enemy; and that’s the fat dude from Survivor, Neil Gumban. We are gonna fucking kill him.

Talking about Survivor, I actually chanced upon the premier. Ok, I didn’t just chanced upon it. I did watch it on purpose… all because I thought I wanted to do some bashing after. It turned out I’ve realized after that even if the show may suffer in comparison with the US version given the fact that it’s THE US version compared to a GMA production, it’s not that bad. Think budget. My friend Paulo even thought the show had poor editing and poor cinematography. Uh well, yeah, maybe. All I really cared for was the all important buffs! Where are those freaking buffs?

But the shows got some charm going on-in the person of Patani. She alone could save the show. What the show lacks in personality (only 4 castaways has it), it makes up with the inclusion of the interesting yaya from Cebu.

Other than the slow pacing, and the cutting of challenges making it, in Paulo’s words, “uneventful and anticlimactic”, I couldn’t think of any reason why the show sucks. Wait, I’m not in it. It does suck.

But biases aside, the show is decent enough for people to watch… Just not that good enough for the fans but, really, not that bad. I’m serious.

TVgasms

I actually thought 90210 was good- fucking good to the point that i was already scaring myself. Good god. I can’t believe I watch those kind of shows! But… uh yeah. I watched. And I think it rocked. It’s the best new show this season. I think it’s the only new show this season. Not that the “new” factor really mattered, ok it did, but that doesn’t change the fact that the show was actually freakingly good and that it’s a spinoff of Beverly Hills and that the outrageously hot-for-her-age Jennie Garth is reprising her role, and that Shannen Doherty is also back on doing fictitious character and not reality tv… Note in mind: watch it.

But when it comes to Survivor Gabon, I don’t even have to watch it to know that it’s definitely going to be awesome. It’s my fucking favorite show. Of course it’s going to be great- no matter what the outcome is. And they’re now on HiDef meaning, with the exception of the castaways, everything would be stunning to look at. But other than the people on the show looking worse than ever or Jeff Probst's aging, all fans are going to have TVgasms of sorts. Good god. Mark Burnett is a sheer genius. I can’t wait for the 25^th!

Just don’t watch Survivor Philippines. Trust me it’s going to be dragging. And with GMAs track record, the local version is going to suck. Think Pinoy Flop, er, I mean Idol. I could be just sourgraping. But it's definitely going to suck.

Gratzie's mom has got it going on.

Mrs. Tanya Michelle Aldrich Golez came by, said hi, smiled, and well, flirted with me... 

Ok, I made the last one up. But that was more than enough for this boy’s spirits to lift up. A penshoppe poster girl actually said hi to me. I could have died right there and then. But I did not. Chose not to… because I opted to be reduced into a blabbing idiot at her mere presence. 

I promise not to forget her waist line. Ever.

It felt like going into a toy store for the first time. There wasn’t any channeling of inner perv self that happened. No My Friend’s Hot Mom fantasies. (Besides, her adorable kid, Gratzie, and I aren’t friends. Yet.)… Just pure wholesome fun. She was just so… pretty. And nice. And down to earth- downright dreamy. 

Just what I needed- something to make me forget about certain things which is synonymous to my arch nemesis’s Survivor stint. She is now officially my hot guardian angel, my statuesque cherub, my Irish heroine. And I’m her earthling on distress.

Oh Mrs. Golez, save me.

survivor reject.

Yes, I auditioned for the show. And yes, I didn’t get through. And you bet, I’m hoping the Philippine franchise would be one hell of a megaflop. I am officially a sourgraping Survivor reject. It’s all because Philippine TV is all about white, halfbreeds and sobstories. Not even my nose helped. Here’s a trip down emotional memory lane on my recent misadventure.


Ecstatic- Words that best described the feeling were: “Shut up! No way! Get outta here!”. I knew I was the only one who felt that way when I first saw the Survivor teaser on TV. To begin with, I’m a Survivor fan since day 1. And the reason why I took up nursing was because I wanted to go to the States, be an American citizen just so I could join join Survivor. I believe I failed MedSurg because of this. It was God’s way of saying that I should be on that show. Actually, I believed that. The whole audition thing was for formalities sake and that I would end up as one of the castaways anyway.


Merriment- Still convinced that I was going to get through, I assessed the competition. Affirmative. The urban myth was right. It doesn’t take a genius to know that Davao doesn’t really spell the word “pretty” in its population. Just tune in to Big Brother. That’s a given fact. Secretly I was jumping for joy already.


Complete shock and utter disbelief- When the last digit didn’t turn out to be mine, I gave out the best OH My God to be recorded on camera. That was classic TV right there at its finest. I’m hoping they’ll use that as some audition clips. It’ll just attest the fact that I’m perfect for reality TV. They chose sobstory Sal over me? There must’ve been some kind of mix up. He wasn’t even half as good-looking. He didn’t even have personality. He just had a freaking sobstory. I came up to him, shook his hand and said “God I hate you”. On the sidelines, the German mutt was more than beaming with my elimination. I wanted to kill that Nazi right there and then.

My batchmates then told me they expected me to get though. Even I, expected it too. Whatever happened to them perceiving me as a threat? Whatever happened to my “I’m very manipulative, I’m such a good liar, I’m here to use other people” sales pitch that the panel loved so much? The panel even wrote comments on my application form- comments I thought to be golden tickets for final casting shoo in. Whatever happened to the good-looking people pattern? I wasn’t really relying on that aspect but I thought it would help.

I returned on the 2nd day. It was then the producer said “alam niyo kasi, ang hinahanap naming dito, eh yung feel naming na magugustuhan ng mga tao”. Was he implying I wasn’t likable? Having heard that, I kind of expected to be eliminated on the final round yet again. So yes, I got eliminated. He chose a midget mestizo who did nothing but smile and said that he would survive on the Island because he goes to the gym. Note to self: go to the gym. If I want to survive in an Island, I must go to the gym. I should have said I took cherifer as a kid.

And so, I’m hoping Survivor Philippines wouldn’t live up to its hype and that it would look cheap compared to the US version. I wish it’ll be the biggest flop this season. And it’s all because they didn’t pick me."

The Tals effect (meanest middle finger to that fat dude from Survivor)

Tals Diaz:

Hey, actually I think you write pretty well! Do you want to rant about your Survivor experience the best way possible- by writing an article fo 2BU? They're looking for new writers to add to their pool. If it's more "Super" than 2BU, I'll try to stick it in Super. I think it's a cool story, and it may just be your first break in the fulfilling yet not quite financially rewarding path of writing. That's how everyone starts anyway, contributing for 2bu!

I found a soft copy of my Pakistan article online. It's here: http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/you/super/view/20080523-138402/This-side-of-PakistanAlso, and this got me in stitches - while searching for a soft copy I found something totally hilarious! It's an article published in the Tehran Times, aka "Iran's Leading Daily" and it's about my article on Pakistan. They practically cut and pasted my whole article and made me a "he"! LOL!!!!!!!http://www.tehrantimes.com/index_View.asp?code=169541

Let me know if you wanna get a shot at writing that Survivor piece. I'm serious - better also if you have pictures. And write how you sound - you'll know you've got it right when you read it and it goes with that voice in your head. Haha did that make sense? ;)

Cheers,Tals

hey i will propose your survivor story in the next planning session and send your work in okay? have a good weekend james =)

Not that I’m bragging that Tals and I are communicating and that she took notice of my writing, it’s just that after my shocker elimination, I want to reaffirm my self worth. And what better way to reaffirm the already standing hard and tall self-worth of mine is to post Tals Diaz’s message- to me. Yes we’re friends. On friendster. And on facebook… and facebook is, like, totally exclusive. Meaning we really are friends. One time, back in 04, she told me about being happy after Colby Donaldson’s ouster in Survivor All Stars. That’s, like, an honest blog from one Survivor fan to another. So anyway, I’m just saying that I’m actually giving Neil Gumban, Survivor’s project manager, the meanest middle finger right now.

Hey there fat dude, never would I kiss your fat ass just to be on that fucking show that’s going to suffer in comparison with the US version anyway. They’re going HD, and you’re just shooting in Thailand? Poor. Ramona Diaz’s niece really knows how to appreciate real talent when she finds one. Sobstories are so passe. That Sobstory guy you chose over me, I wish him more tragedies in life. That Al guy changing people's perception among muslims... uh so showbiz. and Dauel was just short. Dude you chose a pretty boy midget over a handsome guy 5'9''. Seriously? Nevermind Krigi. He's the antichrist.

What I'm saying is, I should have been on the show dude! Should've been. Call me and I'd be more than willing to kiss ass. I'll even be your bestfriend. So just call. You have already have my digits.

Sourgraping

I had my contract signing with Giordano Philippines yesterday. Did I make it sound right? Anyway, I was laughing at the thought. Contract signing. God. It actually happens in real life. Not just on TV. At the back of my head I was imagining as if it were some from GMA. And that there were people from the press and a whole lot of photo ops. Yes, I’m still hoping even if that’s next to impossible. And I’m still the show would be a again, “one hell of a megaflop” because I’m not going to be in it. I’m wishing the whole cast and crew would die. Kidding. But half meant. Shit. I’m such a loser for writing this. But I don’t fucking care. I’ve always been such a loser. But like, that’s something new.

Amanda's loss made me smile

I’d say Survivor Micronesia would be written in books as one of the best seasons ever. So what if the favorites line-up was less than stellar than the All-Stars and that Yau man got the boot early in the game? So what? It is still by far the best in terms of blindsides, evacuations and dumbest moves in Survivor’s history. And in the finale, thank God Amanda didn’t win. It would have been anticlimactic if she did.

I was actually hoping that self-confessed cutthroat, ruthless, stonecold bitch/monkey girl in the Survivor fandom Natalie would take home the million dollars. The only fan left came in just 4^th. Not bad. That’s still 13 weeks of airtime. In reality it felt was less than that. Her confessionals only started airing when she blindsided Jason. Anyhow, at least Parvati won. It pays to be a flirt. Not bad really. I was enjoying hearing the boos when Jeff announced her name. Now that’s what you call an ending. After 8 years, Survivor has still kept me glued on my TV. Cheers for more entertaining seasons to come.

leanne

As the list of changes went on- such as giving sermons on why I should be “tact” to the point of forgetting that she wasn’t the most tact person as well and talking loud and proud about being esteemed as some smartass in her block- I was convinced that Leanne had been taken over by some powerful being… for good.

Ever since freshmen year, I always thought of Leanne as some party girl slut who liked to party, party, party. So I was under the impression that, in no time, she would fall hard, hard, hard. But boy was I wrong. She survived. She stayed. She’s turning senior.

When I saw her get inside the chapel once, it was so weird and surreal that it felt like some antichrist sought redemption. That was 2 years ago. While there may be lapses, given that Leanne will always be talking about people behind their backs and that she might find this trait hard to outgrow (this what makes Leanne her own person and less of it sometimes), the change in her personality is truly remarkable. She even stared at me as if I was the devil when I blurted out an honest opinion. Santisima. I actually thought I was the devil until I realized Leanne was just being her new self-righteous self. Forgiven. So kudos to her. I am supporting her all the way.

P.S. And I don’t really give a fuck if she gets mad at me for writing this. She already knew what I thought of her before. Moreover, she tried to destroy me to Jade when I wrote the piece “Candy”. Her plan backfired since I can always get away with certain things. Did she really think Jade would be freaking mad? Nobody takes me seriously. Or so they think. ;-)

Last of my kind

I was rooting for Jason the entire night because

• he’s the underdog (we all love the underdog, don’t we?),

• showed Ozzy who’s boss by beating him at the immunity challenge

• tried to help Eliza

• and connived with her to oust Ozzy … which eventually backfired… but lead to Eliza’a outing Ozzy as having the hidden Immunity idol

• the girls are dominating and picking the male specie one by one

There were countless times last night wherein I just want to hit him in the head and wake him up, the whole childlike wide-eyed kid charisma was, even though frustrating, spelled capital RESPECT. God, I didn’t expect that there are still good-natured people living in this world. I thought was the last one.

Jade wants candy

The truth is Jade totally wants me. Uh not subtle. Why did she (and Leanne) have complain a lot about how I became such a chick magnet of some sort… and even how my supposedly two minutes with Avril turned to ten? I mean, those stuffs didn’t even have to concern her. Read: Possessive Psycho.

This got me worried in a platonic way (of course). The possibility of turning this little crush of hers into an obsession is so great; this could lead to the untimely demise of her normal brain functioning. If only she could muster the guts to tell it my straight to my face, she would never have to blurt out hints bitterness towards me. It just gets more and more obvious all the time. I’m also starting to suspect that she was the one bugging me on my other phone.

I am just concerned. Really concerned. Really.

To James and Eliza

The Ozzy blindside episode of Survivor is now by far the best this season and it’s all because the narcissistic, arrogant, self-absorbed and so-full-of-himself Ozzy Lusth got the boot. Booyah… which lead to James thinking he’s no longer the dumbest ever in Survivor history.

UH Yes James, you’re still the dumbest Survivor ever. Don’t you ever forget that. How on earth did you get the idea? Thou shall not compare your experience with Ozzy because yours was a case of stupidity, not conceit.

And Eliza, didn’t it ever occur to you that, now, less is more. Cue in Bardem. You knew that was going to happen. Your reaction looked exaggerated... but I still like you though. Forgiven.

VanessaXXX

You might think that the two species that passed this year’s Medical-Surgical Nursing were the boring nerds and those that, well, cheated their way through the whole semester, but it’s not that quite simple: in profiling this semester’s survivors, I realized that, aside from the people who can both fit in as nerds and cheaters, there were also people who, may never in a million years, would look like someone who could pass kindergarten but managed to pull through. Living proof is VanessaXXX (note: not her real name).

Sure, this girl looked like someone who came out straight from porn that could barely spell, say, any hard word, but in the end, when the likes of Judith Lavictoria and Peter Naval flunked, she proved everyone me wrong. She’s not that as dumb as she looked after all. She passed… surprising guys like me who thought she had a very promising future in porn

The moral: never judge a girl by her looks curves alone. Sometimes, the brain comes in sexy packages.

Pout, pout baby

It wasn’t until yesterday that I watched American Idol’s results show. I missed it the other day. On purpose… which is weird since I usually end up watching it anyway, blaming the lack of quality television, by which I mean that David Tutera guy being himself. So creepy. I mean, why can’t Travel and Living have Globe Trekker or Lonely Planet running when I want them to.

So our very own Ramy finally got the boot. It was sooner than what I have hoped for. But her elimination was a no-brainer. Not that she gave a bad performance but it wasn’t stellar either. The judges going easy on Ramy, caring less about a mediocre performance was a sign. It was their subtle way of saying, you’ve got to go. So much for being the first Asian-American Idol, huh?

Best assessment ever

It’s that time again… time to reflect on all my accomplishments of the last semester. Unfortunately, what accomplishments I can lay claim to generally involve… wait, I don’t have any accomplishments this past 5 months. Or am I just being too hard on myself? Well this isn’t the first time.

It’s official. I failed Medical Surgical Nursing. Umm, yeah, that happened. Now, moving on…

OK, fine… since I’m getting weird stares and all, I just want to say that, even if I’m all smiles (according to leanne) and had inappropriate affect (according to ma’am Dablo), I am affected just like everyone else who failed (well, maybe with the exception of Jai2x). I may not match their intensity, the crumbling on the floor and weeping kind of stuffs but that doesn’t mean I’m not affected. I am. I really am. I’m just not over-the-top. It’s not like I expected to pass considering everything that I secretly went through, my complacency and my preoccupations with what people refer to as useless informations. Besides, I already had the gutfeel ever since I came back from the yearend break. I already knew. I assessed. And in my entire nursing life, that was the only assessment I was sure of. Sadly, it turned out right.

One BIG mess

Sometimes we want to do things for the wrong reasons. Case in point: why I want to transfer to another school. Somehow, after so many months, I realized that I have not fully recovered from the emotional trauma I got from Ma’am Tecson. A certain part of me still believes that she’s the devil packed in a body of a cute and chubby Chinese cherub. Funny, because of all the reasons I’ve came up with, this topped the list. Way to go bitch. Thanks for destroying my self-esteem.

But anyhoo, this is the rundown…

I don’t want to be stared at like the word LOSER is written all over my forehead. I don’t want to be silently judged or get pity stares from my Clinical Instructors. I highly revere Ma’am Alasagas and Ma’am Quilang so much that I don’t want them to see me as some letdown. Maybe I am stupid. I can accept that. Also the thought of me sitting with the audience while my batchmates don that black toga will just reaffirm that. Not that I really cared about what they think because I know my capacity. I know I’m smart. Heck, I’m smarter than… ok, too much. I don’t have to validate myself. I know my entrance exam scores. I am not mentally-challenged. Academically- uninclined, perhaps, but definitely not DUMB.

So for now it looks like I’ll be spending quite sometime in school. Major bummer (read: I have other plans.) But gee, I guess there’s no use in blaming myself now. My life’s a one great mess. But unlike Pollock, mine doesn’t sell millions. Failure will never be a selling point.

P.S.

If this helps, there isn’t anyone on our college who is as pop culture savvy as me. I know a lot. But in the end, does knowing who Jackson Pollock and the mess he made matter? Like I’ll get an A for that.

Rub it in

Screw all that “maybe-God-has-other-plans” texts. It doesn’t help. That F mark would still be a friggin’ F after a million texts. Truth be told, most of the time, those kind have all but one aim; to rub it on your face that you failed MedSurg. Then again, there are people who love life, spew rainbows and stuffs and are just downright genuine.

But then there are people who are blinding-flash-of-the-obvious fakers who suddenly asks “if I already knew?”. I mean, like, God, I may be “academically uninclined” but I’m not that stupid enough not to know that I failed. She evidently was rubbing it. So I had just to rub back with “What? About the show? We’ll start taping soon and the spiels are now almost ready… Yeah, I know. I failed. Congrats to you.”. And so I rubbed back by saying that this stupid guy could be
hosting a new local show soon. Backoff.

So into Ramy

There is something about that Ramiele Malubay that I find it hard to decide whether I should be triggering my latent sex toy fetish or sense of national pride. But should I even care? Sure, Ramy is cute (in size) and pretty but the girl’s got talent. She could win. She could beat Carly, Kristy, Kady and Brooke. Or not. Hey, a guy can hope. This could be the year of the Pinoys in AI, considering how we fared in the auditions (cue in Renaldo Lapuz). Just watch the show so you won’t miss out on all the fun.

Get over it

Think of grades, and the usual set of words come to mind, from “Boy, am I in big trouble” to the “Fuck, what have I done” cussing. (Pardon, that’s just my vocabulary) But what do those sentences suggest really? In my case, those words are synonymous with F and some Ds. But am I complaining? Hell, no. Usually, I get mad (at myself) then swear to change (at myself again).Besides, I knew I was going to fail. And that I deserved every bit of it. I knew. I assessed.

So can you just imagine my utter disgust to people who couldn’t get over their low marks on a certain evaluation? You failed. We get it. So can we just move on now?... Also, I don’t have to tell you that moving on means no retaliation to those that evaluated you low, do I? That is so not classy. And what would that tell us about you?

To the little whiny bitch I love

How is it remotely possible that half of the 20 castaways of Survivor Micronesia looked nothing like, well, castaways? They certainly look typical, average and, if anything, fans. But then, that is the premise of the show. This season, fans are pitted against favorites from previous seasons. So, I’m thinking, if ever, by any chance, I would be on the show, am I just going to register the way the fans did on tv? Typical. Average. Fan. Boohoo! How would you feel? You loved the show since day one, wanted to be a castaway your whole life but ended up looking no more than just a fan. Seriously?

So for this season, I would be rooting for the fans. Eliza, no matter how I heart you or despite how Yau man is such an inspiration and regardless how Cirie brings sunshine to my life, I would still be backing up my fellow fans. Even though it pains me so much to be not behind you, I could just not leave them. I must support my people. I’m so sorry.

P.S. I saw you fell and hit your head. And where the hell is Peih Gee?

It's '08, dude.

On New Year's eve you did exactly what the feng shui said. You washed your hands with calamansi, put some on your face while some crazy thought of smudging some on your genitalia popped. Wait, don't tell me you did. That far? Dude. 

Calamansi on hand; acceptable. Calamansi on face; narcissism. Calamansi on your willy makes you a man-whore. All that to attract money in 2008? Genitalia? 

Again, dude.

And what a great jump you did. So is that annual now? It spoke a lot about you and your dedication, if not obsession to grow taller. Too bad those don't do much on your limbs. You're still 5'9. and short. The only sane thing you did this New Year was to vow not to overanalyze things. I must say, I'm impressed. Overanalization means no drama. And no drama means no substance abuse. Booyah!

So except for that oath to think less and considering your strong inclination for all things abnormal, I just want to say, "Dude, didn't it ever occur to you that feng shui are for imbeciles who will remain as such for the rest of their crappy life? It's the friggin' new year and you're still you doing the same thing you did last year."